When the wife is away...

Today, Jill hit the road with Pampered Chef. We've been examining ways to improve her business and she went to two shows today that were hosted by her up-line director, Stephanie, so she could get ideas to incorporate in to her own show. Jill was out the door by 7:30am and wasn't expecting to be back until 8pm!

So, the husband had the day to himself!

So, of course I did what every husband in his right mind would do.... what Jill instructed me to do prior to leaving!

Of course, my day started earlier than that. Jill's uncle Fred and aunt Joyce were returning from a short stay in Rome, Italy, and their flight landed at 12:30am Saturday morning. I tucked Jill in to bed, took the dogs out to potty, put them in the bed with Jill and headed out the door. Once back at the house, Fred and Joyce were exhausted from their day of traveling that we all went to sleep.

Well, by "we all", I mean Fred, Joyce, Dean, and Jill. Not included in that list? DAISY AND LUCY! That's right. Lucy knew someone was in the house and was horrorstruck to come to the realization that I had no intention of her getting riled up and meeting new people! She refused to sleep on her doggy bed, so I finally succumbed and let her sleep on the bed by Jill's legs... thus Daisy pitched a fit and was soon nestled under my left arm in the bed, where she always finds herself at 6am.

When morning came, Daisy's bladder had been on hold long enough, so she got me out of bed and my Saturday morning was underway at 6:30. After taking care of the dogs, I quickly got Jill ready. I made her scrambled eggs (with Pampered Chef's Southwest Seasoning, YUMMY!) and a bowl of blackberries from Costco (they have HUGE blackberries, if you didn't know). She drank three ounces of Mona-Vie (usually only one ounce) because she would have a long day and needed the extra health boost.

With her out the door, I set out on my tasks. First things first, I had to handle "LIVE UPDATES" from the Rivals.com NIKE Camp in Tuscaloosa, Ala. (ie: University of Alabama). This was pretty easy and I was able to accomplish a number of things in between phone calls and posting on the message board.

I worked on the laundry (three loads!), I sorted through bills, then headed to the post office to mail some catalogs to a future host for a Pampered Chef show. I picked up a package (Spode Salt & Pepper shakers), then made a quick stop by TJ Maxx and picked up a "Strawberry and Papaya" sugar scrub and some "Luscious Berry" bath salts. Jill had mentioned wanting to take a bath once she got home, so I thought I'd pick up some pampering products for my Pampered Chef! (Best husband ever? Yeah, that's me. Humble, too!)

Once back at home, I made lunch, baked some cookies (a reward for myself) and then set my sights on the next big task: vacuuming.

This is where the story gets depressing. No, not because I was vacuuming. Rather, because of how awesome our vacuum is. However, what makes it awesome also makes it the most HORRIBLE VACUUM EVER DESIGNED BY MAN!

Let me explain: We purchased this vacuum based on the recommendation of Consumer Reports (Love them!) because it works on carpet AND hardwood floors, it's bagless, AND the reviews said it was excellent for DOG HAIR (we have 3-5 hairs occasionally on the floor). We used some money left over from wedding gifts for the vacuum, so it was like a late wedding gift (or NIGHTMARE!)

Amidst all of the wonderful features on the vacuum was the AMAZING "Dirt Sensor" or the "Intelli-clean" feature. There are four colored lights on the front of the vacuum. Green (clean), light orange (the dust bunnies are coming), dark orange (the dust bunnies are armed with bazookas!), and SATANIC RED (the floor is dirtier than a 13-year-old boy's mind!).

This is the most depressing vacuum EVER. With any other vacuum, you go over the carpet, you see the hair is gone and you move along. Oh no, not with this monstrosity. After 10 minutes of vacuuming the same 5 square feet, the blasted thing STILL flips over to "SATANIC RED" sporadically! And, even worse, it will flash "light orange" JUST as you move to a new section. Sure, you COULD just leave it, but in your mind, you just know there's some gunk sitting in the carpet, ready to stick to your feet! So, you continue to vacuum the same spot... over and over again, until FINALLY the carpet gives up, releases the vermin within the fibers, and the "Intelli-clean" feature flashes green "All clear, captain! The bunnies have been obliterated!" So, you push the vacuum forward 1/2".... SATANIC RED!

Not only does our vacuum suck out every atom of dirt, it also sucks your will to live.

With all that being said, I still giggle when I tell someone how awesome our vacuum is by saying: "Our vacuum really sucks!"

It's 11:30 now and Jill is asleep on the couch. I think we're going to go see Iron Man tomorrow. If so, I fully expect his nemesis in the movie to be our vacuum.

I'm serious.